Hiccups

So you know what this post is about. If anything really irritates me, is having hiccups. I am doing my work, minding my own business, when the powers that be decide that I should get hiccups. I get distracted from my thought process, if any. All my energy goes in trying to find a quick cure. The worst is when I am in the middle of an animated discussion and they arrive pompously to ruin my train of words. When I give up and keep quiet for a while, there is silence and just when I think my hiccups are gone, they are back again. This time with renewed gusto. Some of the choicest swear words are also heard amidst the hiccups.

Here are my will-definitely-work methods to cure hiccups. The best part is that they can all be done at home when you are alone and no one is there to help.

  1. Scare/surprise yourself. I know this sounds difficult to do. How can you surprise yourself when you yourself know it is coming? You would say it’s like playing “guess which number I have in mind” with yourself. But it’s not. Whatever you think, think of it suddenly. For example I have see that this method works…
    think of nice books you’ve read,
    of nice books you’ve read,
    nice books you’ve read,
    books you’ve read,
    you’ve read,
    ‘ve read,
    read…
    GLOBAL WARMING!
    See? That’s you scaring you. 🙂
  2. Role reversal. Clear your mind. Don’t think of anything. Wait for your hiccup. Wait for it… wait for it… HIC. Now make yourself believe that you are not getting hiccups, but the hiccups are getting you. Make yourself more irritating to the hiccups than the hiccups are to you. Trust me, this works.
  3. The shrink treatment. Talk to your hiccups. May be they will open up to you. Tell them that they should find a different outlet for their frustration… and should not vent it any more on your already dilapidated speech.
  4. Block all gates. With one hand pinching the nose (to block windpipe), with your tongue pressing the top of your palate (to block food pipe), with your two other hands to press against your ears (to block ear pipe), use your fourth hand to drink a glass of water. Works better if you hum while doing all this. You also require to have four hands.
  5. Sky dive. Pretty much self explanatory. Side effect – nausea. Also, it costs $300, and cannot be done from home. Unless I guess you do it as in this movie.
  6. Re-prioritize. Take a tablespoon of engine oil. This is more like an escapist route. Before you drink this, your hiccups were the #1 problem in your life. Now they no longer will be the #1 problem in your life.
  7. An apple a day. If you own any Apple product like the iPod, you are obviously madly in love with it. Now break it. You will no longer have hiccups. You will also no longer have an iPod.
  8. Ignore it. Act like it doesn’t exist. And it will go away.

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Filed under Musings

Comments

6 Responses to “Hiccups”
  1. Debleena says:

    hilarious!!…my fav is the first one though.

  2. Learn-er says:

    good one, what made you choose hiccups as a topic, because i never came one post on hiccups

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