Tall tales of woe

A freakin' giraffe

A freakin' giraffe

Being tall is no joke. No, really. It isn’t. I am 6’2″ and often stared at like I am the freakin’ Empire State Building or something. If a dog is not paying attention, I might very well be a lamppost for it to relieve itself. There are so many problems associated with being tall… sigh. Where do I even begin?

Being tall reduces your general awareness of what is going on at ground level. You stub your toe more often and miss doorsteps. Or in some cases, entire bicycles. (Don’t ask.) Every foot related response is late because it takes additional time for signals to reach the brain. The worst part is when you see a notice that says “Watch your step” – you look down to save your toe, but you bump your head against the very same notice that told you to watch your step. For the benefit of tall people, they should have a notice near the foot that says “Watch your head too“. In my parents hometown, I cannot stand up straight completely because the ceiling fan might take my head. And those fans are fairly dirty and they have spiders. Not only will I lose my head, I will also have spiders on me.

Then comes the package of woes that are travel related. In a bus/plane, your knees touch the seat in front of you and all the vibration/turbulence shakes you from deep within. After a point (about 5 minutes) you think you are part of the bus/plane and it is your duty to vibrate along with it. When you get off the bus/plane, you wonder why everything is so shaky. You don’t fit in train berths at all. Either your legs are sticking out to face the wrath of every dude who passes the aisle, or your head is sticking out and you can hear every conversation between the chai-waala and the customer who does not want to pay Rs 5 for a cup that small. At 7:00 AM in the morning. You don’t fit in small cars and in order to drive, you need to push the driver’s seat far away just so you can get in the car. Later when your friend wants to drive, he feels very laid-back.

What if you had acrophobia? Being tall adds a foot or so to normal viewing, and that, when accompanied by the fear of heights DOES NOT HELP. You are walking down the street minding your own business, you happen to look at your feet – aaaargh! Too much height! Well, I do not have acrophobia… but what if I did?

And of course, the eternal problem of finding clothes that fit. Every T-shirt on me looks like it was originally designed to playfully display waist line assets of pretty girls. No, I DO NOT buy those tees because I value my privacy and I don’t want accidental onlookers to go “Oh, my eyes! My eyes!”. Trousers don’t reach all the way to the bottom, showing off some glorious ankle. And shoes! Oh my god, shoes. Big height needs big foot. Big foot needs big shoe. More than size 10, actually. And you don’t get that size easily.

I don’t fit in photographs! You will never find me standing absolutely straight in a picture with someone else, or a group. It’s either me or the rest of the crowd. And since we go by democracy, I need to bend weird and awkward to fit into the frame, finally giving my illustrious look of constipation.

And finally, what I call “the hug wind”. When you hug someone tall, and talk at the same time, your words are directed at his torso and they find way into his clothes. And they exit from the shirt sleeves in gusts of wind. Seriously! As a tall person, when I am hugged, all I get to hear is some buzzing and well ventilated sleeves.

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Filed under *Sigh*, Musings

Comments

40 Responses to “Tall tales of woe”
  1. Gauri says:

    6′.2″ cant be that bad.. 🙂 but made for a jolly read, definitely

    Gauri´s latest blog post – And I am thrilled…

    • Kokonad says:

      Whee! So many comments! 😀 Ok, first of all, the world is designed for a 5’10”. Not a 6’2″! 😛 And you should read this!

      #Gauri:
      Thank you! I am glad you found this a jolly read!

      #Kadambari:
      Well, I AM a basketball player! 😛 I have to use my height somewhere, right? At home, it’s the top cupboard shelf. On the field, it is volleyball spike or basketball! Unfortunately, an injury in 2005 has put me off the field… *sigh* But thanks for commenting – and I am glad you like it!

      #Ankur:
      Ankur ji, pranaam – kaisa chal raha hai IIML ka schedule? It makes me happy that you liked the post! And like I said, the world is built for the 5’10” man… not the 6’2″ man! 😀

      #Roshmi:
      Me, spiderman? With such long dangling legs? Nyaah… I might knock off a few people while swinging about – also, old age and height do not permit me to hang on to my own spun web! As regards to shoes thrown at Bush, I don’t know if only size 10+ is thrown at him! 😀

      #Neelima:
      Welcome to my blog, Neelima! And thank you for blogrolling me too! You are lucky you are a 5! 🙂 Do keep visiting!

      #DC:
      Long time no see! Kamon aachhis? Thanks for dropping in a line! I feel that the concept of grass itself is an illusion! 😛 (I am shortly heading over to your blog – I wish there was a way to subscribe to private blogs!)

      #TW:
      TWank you, twank you! 🙂 I am glad you liked it, TW!

      #Adisha:
      Awww you sympathize with me! Thanks so much! I am happy that you all comment – it makes me want to write more! Keeps the engine running, you see!

      #Nikita:
      Heh heh, thank you, thank you! But I am all sensitive about this! 😛 I SENSE that being short is pretty awesome!

      #Sayontan (Dada):
      I could have done with 6’0″ you know… and I don’t look down UPON people, I NEED to look down TOWARDS them! 😛

      #Shazia:
      WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! People leave their footprints in places – we leave headprints everywhere! Actually, no, prints are left on our head everywhere we go! And of course, people ask how’s the weather up here – let me tell you! It’s COLD! 😛

      #Rads:
      Thank you for commenting! I guess wherever you look, life is making fun of you! Short or tall. 😀 Thank you for your feedback on my template… actually I loved the previous template too – but it was really heavy on code and took longer to load than this one. I am not too fond of the blue background myself but it is definitely much lighter and faster. I might change the background some day! And that “nutcase” is registered with your email and the Wavatar service… sorry! My template is not going to change that… 🙁

      #Debleena:
      Heh heh! Ok ok, I get your point! 😛

      #Ashwathy:
      See? You and me: same wavelength! 😀 You truly understand what I go through! No no, no new post! There will be people out there waiting to kill me if I write a post on short people! Thanks for dropping by and commenting! I am glad you liked the post!

      #Archana:
      So I have heard – it is indeed a positive in the books of women (THERE IS A BOOK? :O) But what if women need to look directly at the sun when they want to see my face? 😀 But thank you for the reassurance!

      #Sourabh Tewari:
      Baap re… kitne saal beet gaye! How are you dear dost? Yes, I was 4’11” when we last met in 1997. Now I am 6’2″. Lucky you, size 9 😛

  2. Kadambari says:

    LOL! Woeful tale! But hey, 6′.2″ isn’t that bad! Though I agree with the scarcity of shoes and clothes! I’m small and compact! And I fit anywhere.. Hehe. You should have been a basketball player then! Just look up and yay! Shoot! 😀

    Kadambari´s latest blog post – Up, Up and UPA

  3. ankur says:

    :)) nice post loved every incident you described…

    btw in USA 6′ 2″ should not be that tall… 5′ 10″ is India itself looks very normal

    ankur´s latest blog post – Dilbert

  4. Roshmi says:

    “And those fans are fairly dirty and they have spiders. Not only will I lose my head, I will also have spiders on me.” …… You missed out on many chances to be the “Spider Man”… 🙂

    Being tall has its advantages too… you get to breathe fresh air….. !!!

    Finding size 10 shoes shouldn’t be too much of a problem…. all you need to do is contact the folks who made the “padukas” that were hurled…. not so long ago at a certain “flora” who ‘masqueraded’ as a “Homo sapien”…. and you’ll have a lifetime’s supply ….. 🙂

    Roshmi´s latest blog post – Piggy-Wiggy: "To err is human, to forgive divine"… Or, is it _ _ ine… ?!!

  5. Neelima says:

    I have been following your blog for a while and i like the way you make the mundane seem totally hilarious. Great blog here.. And thank you for blogrolling me too 🙂

    being just 5′, there are many times i feel i am blessed..especially in busses, planes and trains.. 😀

    Neelima´s latest blog post – Fishing @ Chitrakot Falls – Photo of The Week

  6. Dreamcatcher says:

    the grass is never green, i see 🙂

  7. TW says:

    LOL… LOL… LOL… ROTF .. I’ll write something once am done with the ROTF …LOL

    TW´s latest blog post – I am my husband now… Oh No!

  8. adisha says:

    Hehehee. You poor guy !! I sympathize totally …. 🙂 I can just imagine the turmoils u have to go through …

    Cheers, keep writing !

    adisha´s latest blog post – To Belong !

  9. Nikita says:

    i feel like callin u insensitive like ppl called me after i wrote abt the misfortunes thin ppl endure. 😛
    lekin, i’ll show a lil bhai-chaara here n empathise with the pain u feel 😉

  10. Sayontan says:

    Though you look down upon people, 6′ 2″ is not really that much of a stretch.

    Sayontan´s latest blog post – Paul Zoolander McCartney

  11. Shazia says:

    Had a good laugh after reading this post of yours. You know sometime may be I will write about what it feels being “short”. I know if i put myself under any of the situation you have mentioned, i would not have to face any problem. But you know, there is a different story to tell… 🙂
    Tall people are seldom troubled or teased for being tall. But we ‘shortys’ have to deal with many jokes directed towards us. Anyways it’s fun 🙂

    Shazia´s latest blog post – I like ‘Blue’

  12. rads says:

    Hmm I don’t think 6′ 2″ is bad either and how I wish I was taller than what I’m now…Being short has its disadvantages too..ask a shorty like me 🙂

    rads´s latest blog post – Fractal Art

  13. rads says:

    Hey how come I get to be this nutcase still..does’nt these images change with template? btw I liked your previous template better…

    rads´s latest blog post – Fractal Art

  14. Debleena says:

    lol…lol….ALOL:).
    Im happy mr. bigfoot here lives in US 🙂 come on koke its not that bad here. think how lilliputs like fme feel when I see u . I pretty much bang into everyone’s torso when I give a hug :)…..

  15. Ashwathy says:

    ROFL!! well-written!!
    and i completely udnerstand coz i’ve faced some of these troubles myself… coz my height is pretty good for a female… altho i’m nowhere near 6’2”. so having to duck to avoid the door-frame or ceiling fan in smaller places, or having to push the driver’s seat far back in the car, also not having enuff space for legs while in buses….. been there, done that.

    but hey, see the bright side. imagine if u were 5’2” instead. get the picture? 😀
    or have i given u inspiration for a new post? lol

    Ashwathy´s latest blog post – The day I fell … royally !!!

  16. Archana says:

    Aww Kokonad! This post was quite a hilarious look at the struggles of being tall. 😛 I have to admit though, that height is something that’s a rarity with Indian men so you should be proud of it!

    I have to admit though, hugging tall guys is a tough one. Especially cause you do feel like you are talking into their torso, lol. And then the pictures…I feel bad for tall men. I have pictures with my friends and I never thought about it, but my tall friends always have to bend and twist to fit into the frame. And the fews time we try to capture it at their height level….we all get cut off from like nose down, haha.

    But at the same time, I’m pro-tall men. Because I’d rather hug a man that I can feel enveloped in versus the average Indian male who is short…and therefore when we hug it’s awkward, you know shoulders bump, can’t wear pretty 3 inch heels, etc…it’s not cute, lol. So be proud of your height, it’s usually a positive in the books of most women. 🙂

    Archana´s latest blog post – I have OCD

  17. Sourabh Tewari says:

    When did you grow into 6’2″ ???? Hehe…jokes part…nice blogging…well tall people are also ridiculed and made fun of…I still remember our school days when I was the tallest bloke in the class and some creatures “tried” to make fun of me…hehe…anyways…its nice to be tall…though not every tall person has a big foot..I wear a size 9 boot…and a have a physique to match it 🙂

  18. Kokonad says:

    Ok, too many smileys in above comment.

  19. ankur says:

    @kokonad…
    well a smile is one of the most contagious of human expressions…. u smile to a stranger now.. chances are he will smile at the next stranger he will meet… and so on u create a chain reaction of happiness.

    iiml schedule is hard… but abhi internship kar raha hoo mumbai meigh.. so things r kind of ok… in 2 weeks back in the tandoor

    ankur´s latest blog post – Indo-Pak relations and Taliban

  20. please. have you ever tried the mumbai locals. you will celebrate being tall. i’m armpit level…and in a crowded local or even elevator, that can cause serious damage to your sinuses! waaah…i want to be tall…okay not 6 2, but at least 5 7. the other thing with being short btw is that when you go to buy jeans, it’s sheer agony. i could make two pairs from the amount i have to have cut!

  21. Indyeah says:

    And finally, what I call “the hug wind”. When you hug someone tall, and talk at the same time, your words are directed at his torso and they find way into his clothes. And they exit from the shirt sleeves in gusts of wind. Seriously! As a tall person, when I am hugged, all I get to hear is some buzzing and well ventilated sleeves.

    ROFL! you are hilarious! 😀
    and 6’2?
    *looks in awe*

    that IS tall.:)

    PS:-one can never have too many smileys 😀

    Indyeah´s latest blog post – I love Rahul Gandhi – Because nepotism rules 😀

  22. brownphantom says:

    Funny :).
    Do you mind sparing a couple of inches for me. We shall be nearly equal then.
    Being 6.2 in India is tough, true. :).

    brownphantom´s latest blog post – Down Memory Lane

  23. Kokonad says:

    #Ankur:
    I see your point, and I strongly believe in that too! Btw, “back in the tandoor” got me laughing! Good luck for your program – I can only imagine how much of a pain it is!

    #AgentGreenGlass:
    Ok ok… I admit defeat in the armpit argument! But not in the jeans argument! Btw, I don’t know for what reason, but that jeans waala thing reminded me of this classic scene from Golmaal – the chhota kurta! Thank you for dropping by and commenting! 🙂

    #Indyeah!
    Welcome to my blog! (Did you get that welcome email? 🙂 ) I am glad you found the post funny! Your Rahul Gandhi post is definitely the icing on the delicious cake that is your blog! The comments get funnier!
    Thank you for commenting here… I hope you keep visiting.

    #BrownPhantom:
    Thank you, thank you! I am willing to spare inches, yes. 😀 And I am thrilled that you agree that 6’2″ in India IS TOUGH.

  24. Archana says:

    Haha I guess the short ones get blinded by the sun, and the tall ones deal with a neck pain. Eeks, the things people have to go through to communicate with one another. 😛

    Archana´s latest blog post – I have OCD

  25. Roshmi says:

    No such problems and manoeuvres… just stand below those spider infested ceiling fans and watch the magic! The spiders will descend on you in droves and spin a web (of intrigue) around you… making you the “complete spiderman”… !!! 🙂

    I was right about the “getting to breathe fresh air” part as well…!!!

    Those “flying shoes” which started the trend… and made several netas meet their “sole-mates” were definitely size 10 “padukas”… this was certified by the “object” they were intended for in the first place…

    … Breaking news: The mystery unravels… Mr. Big Foot has finally been “sighted”… 😛

    Roshmi´s latest blog post – UP, UP and (UP)AWAY… UPA Aala Re… !!!

  26. Tall people look impressive. I wish I was little taller. I am just 5’2! The best part about being short is that I can disappear in a crowd.

  27. Ashish Soni says:

    Dude..
    Had a real laugh reading this post. Do agree with few of the points especially the fear of getting your head shaven of by the ceiling fan. Probably sharper blades would help cutting on barber expenses but before that would need to practice on the accuracy!

  28. Kokonad says:

    #Archana:
    Heh heh 😀 True, true!

    #Roshmi:
    Ok no more bigfoot jokes. I am sensitive about that issue! 😛

    #Julia Scissor:
    Hi R! 🙂 I completely agree! I could never hide from view – if people had to look for me they always saw my head bobbing confusedly amidst the sea of heads… sigh. Because of that I could never go as an undercover agent anywhere! 🙁

    #Ashish:
    Ha ha ha… I just imagined a barber situation –
    “Uncle ji side mein zara sa aur chhota karna hai”
    “Theek hai, sir ko is taraf karo aur JUMP!”

  29. Sourabh Tewari says:

    hehe yeah been a very long time…btw…like everyone else says…6″2′ is good..I am 6″ now…clueless as to what I was back in school…I’ve grown gradually though.

  30. Kokonad says:

    #Sourabh:
    It has indeed been LONG. You were always a good 6 inches taller than me in school, I remember! 😛

  31. Renu says:

    Oh I couldn’t agree with you more! and during yoga I find it that much more difficult to reach for my toes. 🙂

  32. Shreyasee says:

    Dada,

    What about dating problem :P….I hope I did not open a can of worms now hehehe…dont hate me 😀

    Titir

    Shreyasee´s latest blog post – Good Will Hunting

  33. Kokonad says:

    Renu:
    Heh heh… I can so relate to that… my ham strings are tighter than strings on a tennis racquet!

    Shreyasee:
    Hmmm… it’s a whole barrel of worms I tell you – let’s just not go near the barrel 😛

  34. Aurora says:

    Con: You get rained on first.

    Pro: You can reach the top shelf of EVERYTHING

    Con: You have to bend over further to reach stuff on the bottom shelf of the fridge.

    Pro: After us short people laugh at that, you can hold stuff over our heads and make us jump to reach it.

    Con: It will take 5-10 seconds longer for you to feel the pain after the short person kicks you for holding it over their head.

    Pro: You can then easily bonk us over the head.

    See? There is a good side and bad side to all things. 😛

    • Kokonad says:

      #Aurora:
      Ha ha ha ha! Aurora, thou hast showeth me the light. 😛
      Btw, I did that “holding stuff over your head so you need to jump to get it”… it’s not a wise idea to do it with an open bowl of food. At 9:00 in the morning. Before going to work.
      Sometimes things fall. Sometimes you are also wearing your good shirt. 😀

  35. Shanu says:

    LOL..tat was very funny..Loved the hug wala bit..made me LOL..Grt read mate!
    Shanu´s latest post – Out of Order

  36. Kokonad says:

    #Shanu:
    Thank you Shanu! 🙂 I am glad you enjoyed it!

  37. Patrick says:

    6’2″ isn’t that tall bro
    I’m 6′ 7″ and my older brother is that height and he is pretty close to average with no problems

  38. Kade says:

    If you think being 6’2 is bad, my father is 6’6. 😛

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