Much ado about an ankle

I had an ankle surgery earlier in September. An old sports injury aggravated and it required me to get it fixed as soon as possible. The stupid pain killers shut off my brain and I could get nothing done apart from turning left to right on bed. Eventually I also could turn right to left.

Turns out there are 4 titanium screws in my foot. Once the reality of that fact sunk in, the first thing I thought of was Wolverine. But then it does not make me any where as cool as him. I cannot extract-n-retract my screws like Wolverine does with his claws. And even if I did, what would I do with them? Hang pictures? And of course, I am not even venturing into the thought of which screwdriver I would need to screw them back in. You never find one when you need one.

SecuritySurprisingly, when I told about these screws to people, the most common first response I got from them was – “How would you ever clear the metal detector in the airport?” Of all the questions to ask, that was the first. I wouldn’t blame anyone. I got that question in my head too.

Unfortunately I have much bigger problems at the airport to deal with, especially in the US/Europe. The image of the checklist here will explain it all. At least I did not set off the metal detector before. Now I have to deal with that too. Security is going to have a Mardi Gras tasering me all the time, and with me being tall, there’s so so much of me to taser around. I am a walking taser fest for them.

The plus side of this surgery has been that I have had a month off from work (I had no choice actually). I have had the time to reflect upon …er… never mind. Several things upset me. My cast was cut for inspection recently and I saw that the surgery has left a pretty big scar on my ankle. Not that I have/want/need Aishwarya Rai like ankles, but I could see a scar on my foot. I hate scars. They remind people of things. My friends have tried hard to cheer me up. This is the gist of the conversation that happened with a friend when I told him of my deep stirring feelings about the scar.

“Dude, this is a great opportunity. Chicks dig scars!”
“Yeah, but to show this scar I really have to flash my ankle around. And that’s not normal. And it’s not eccentric either!”

Now I could keep flashing my ankle around, but I have never actually heard the the expression “Did you see the ankles on that guy? They are HAWT!” (Girls, please back me up here.) I do realize that scars make great first impressions. But I don’t see a reason to show my ankle ever, in a first meeting. It is just impossible for my ankle to come up in an appropriate way unless I am having a conversation with my doctor. Of course, she wouldn’t dig the very same scar she caused.

Another friend told me that my market value has increased. He literally meant it, because titanium is expensive. It was his attempt at cheering me up. Well, he tried. Can’t blame a guy for trying. Another very dear friend of mine has a naturally seductive voice and she (effortlessly and unknowingly) makes the word “langda” sound very very very sexy. Thank you for that. 🙂 Meanwhile, my friends have received strict instructions now that they are not supposed to ask me (any more) “Tera screw dheela hai kya?” It’s personal. Nor are they supposed to say that they are screwed. That too is personal. (See footnote for translations)

[Footnote for translations]
1. Tera screw dheela hai kya?
Literally speaking, this means “Are your screws loose?”
Metaphorically speaking, this means “Have you lost it?”
2. “Langda” means lame person.

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Filed under Musings

Comments

33 Responses to “Much ado about an ankle”
  1. Dreamcatcher says:

    I hope it gets better soon. But what a wonderful post this was.

  2. Ankur says:

    can u still play sports?
    Ankur´s latest post – smart kid

  3. Slash says:

    Forget wolverine. If you have a few more surgeries implanting titanium, you could become Iron Man. Now THAT is something chicks would totally dig.
    Slash´s latest post – Credits

  4. Shazia says:

    Hi Kokonad, so sorry to learn about the surgery. I hope it was not very painful and that you are recuperating fast.
    Take care 🙂
    P.S. : As usual this post was a nice read.

  5. Anuradha Kushwanshi says:

    Now this is an example of “How to make gloomy things entertaining” 🙂
    I liked the check list…’Hot and attractive’….ha ha 😀

    Hope you’re fine now…tc

    P.S. : and yaaa…be careful with your expensive screws, girls might dig it (literally)!! 😉

  6. Nikita says:

    I. WILL. KILL. YOU.
    athhhgbg!
    Nikita´s latest post – For Now, A Thirty Buck Mug

  7. Neelima says:

    where did you get that Homeland Security list from? LOL about that.. it also checks if people are Hot and Attractive and have a Suspiciously unrealistic name ??!! 😀

    Get well soon!
    Neelima´s latest post – Reminiscing Roopkund – My First Himalayan Trek!

  8. Debleena says:

    lol lol …im sorry i dont know abt the scar thing, but you can definitely play the sympathy card well with the girls now.
    lmao at “hanging pictures”….hahahahahaha, also “suspiciously unrealistic name”…actually its the realistic name “koke” that will get u caught one day

  9. Grayquill says:

    Wear shorts and sandles fall, winter, spring, and of course summer – problem solved.
    You might need a big stick to drive the all the women away.
    Your welcome
    Grayquill´s latest post – The Very Bad Scary News

  10. Sriram says:

    kokonad, that’s a funny checklist. hope your ankle is healing well.

  11. Sanjukta says:

    consider wearing an anklet, that would get the girl’s attention towards your ankle and subsequently the scar, and hey its eccentric too.. Girls would love it trust me 😀
    Sanjukta´s latest post – TED India fellowship and a Breakthrough

  12. How are you now? Bear hugs.

  13. gkam says:

    Ooh, how about a walking stick? Like Dr. Gregory House 😛

    Lol-ed throughout the post.

    Tc.
    gkam´s latest post – Speaking of a post

  14. Oh so u r our Iron Man now!! 🙂 Should I say congrats?? 😉
    On a serious note .. Sorry for being mean! 😛 Take care of ur ankle.. 🙂
    preposterousgirl´s latest post – One love is all she needs.. 🙁

  15. Minal says:

    Kokonad,
    Get well soon. Your post reminds me of the trouble I gave my then boyfriend now husband. He too had injured his hand during his cricket playing days and has a steel rod in his hand. There were 2 , one came out, the doctor could not remove the other and said it’s ok for it to be in there.
    i would always trouble him asking if he sets of the metal detector – he does not, but still I trouble him till date. Rather mean I know;-) I call him my Metal Man:-)
    Minal´s latest post – Bliss in Melody

  16. Ashwathy says:

    hehehe… classic, man! 😀

    look at it this way. no scar/surgery of urs has affected that rocking sense of humour of urs… which is what draws a lot of chicks’ attention.. take my word for it. u dont have to necessarily be drop dead handsome… but if u are charming enough and have enuff of a humour sense, u’ll pass. good luck 🙂
    Ashwathy´s latest post – Dusshera doldrums!

  17. verby says:

    LOL..sorry for laughing but cant help it 😛 the checklist was gr8! all teh best! yeah and dnt worry i dnt remember ever seing the ankle of anyone except ma hubby’s and those occasional beach goers who wear shorts~..leave alone gasping at their beauty! 😛 😛

  18. Archana says:

    Aw I remember we had this conversation sometime back. And I was one of those people that asked you about the airport metal detector, lol. I guess everyone’s just being light-hearted around you to make you feel better, that’s what friends are for. 🙂

    As for women finding scars sexy, hmm, depends. But if anything, it makes for a story. Granted you’re not going to be walking around showcasing your ankles. But I know all about scars, I’ve bumped and bruised myself countless times by accident, and yeah some are annoying cause they’re constant reminders. But others, they just kinda become a part of you. In a months time it’ll be no biggie.

    With your sense of humor, I feel like you can twist any situation and see the brighter, more fun angle, so yay for that quirkiness of yours! I loved this post and the silly checklist. Is the last one there hates broccoli? Lol, love this blog.
    Archana´s latest post – Travel right aka light.

  19. No Ash Ankles?!!!! Fuggedaboutit? No girl will give you a second look….
    Ouch for starters, and hilarious to end with. Hope the ankle heals completely and you can can participate in the Olympics like you had planned all along. ‘Chicks’ will at least totally dig that.
    Cheers, great read.
    longblackveil´s latest post – Stupidity… A thing of the past?

  20. If you could cartwheel, showing off your scar would be a piece of cake! 😉 You can add “Cartwheels when Chicks around” to your list! 😀 Anyways, get well soon and lets have you back on your feet again!
    TheThoughtfulTrain´s latest post – Munni..

  21. tangerine says:

    Hey! I hope u r recuperating fast.

    Take care.

    Happy Diwali

  22. Roshmi says:

    A nice read… liberally sprinkled with humour… Hope your ankle is better now.

    P.S. Wish you a very happy, safe and prosperous Deepavali/Kali Puja… !!! May the festival of lights bring lots of happiness and colour into your life and a New Year blessed with prosperity!
    Roshmi´s latest post – Wish you all a very Happy Diwali/Deepavali/Kali Puja/Naraka Chaturdashi… !!!

  23. Ramyaranee says:

    I keep revisiting this space and each time I find something new to make me grin. Random in topic you may be, but consistent in screamingly humorous content you definitely are!

    Get well soon bones of steel!
    Ramyaranee´s latest post – The Secret Biker

  24. rads says:

    LOL how in the world did titanium screws end up in ur ankle? sounds like one of the wierd cases from Grey’s Anatomy…i don’t like scars n don’t think they r sexy either…nice picture 😀 did you create that? funny options…hope ur doing better now and things like this leave scars in our brains too…stop being so aware of it and everything else will be fine…its good that you have friends to cheer you up…take care..
    rads´s latest post – Awarded and Tagged

  25. Brownphantom says:

    You are blessed with such caring friends :).
    The check-list was very funny and clever :).
    Can’t help asking : What’s the differential weight that would get added to your body ?
    Brownphantom´s latest post – Coming Back To Life

  26. Sonia says:

    Nice post! I mean ALL of your posts are amazingly hilarious!! :):)
    Sonia´s latest post – The game of the name – Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sonia! 😀

  27. Nainy Sahan says:

    tera screw dheela hain lya? hehe… Hillarious!

    So where are you vacation-ing with one healthy leg? 🙂
    Nainy Sahan´s latest post – Blank Noise and Bombay Addiction and World Dont Stand No Chance

  28. Roshmi says:

    I’ve tried my hand at micro-fiction. Do let me know what you think…

  29. Poonam says:

    I liked your blog and you’re on my blogroll now!

    P.S: Wanted to drop by to let you know, incase anonymous adding makes you cringe and prompts you to spill a few expletives. 🙂
    Poonam´s latest post – For Tweeple

  30. Manju says:

    first time around here, so thought i’d say hi 🙂
    i hope your ankle gets better

  31. Debleena says:

    lmao at ” hates broccoli” lol lol lol….

  32. Oh! I’m visitng your space after so long… Had been just so super busy with work. You had an ankle surgery that left a scar… Awww… Huggs!! But scar or no scar your posts always make for a great read 🙂
    Make the most of your free time and get well soon. 🙂
    withinaninchoflife´s latest post – A case study of moronic conversations.

    • Kokonad says:

      Ok people, first of all, heartfelt thanks for all your wishes! I am able to walk now, with support and all, and also able to dance a little 😛 Second, apologies for the awful awful delay. It’s been over a month and a half since I replied to comments. Appalling. 🙁

      #Dreamcatcher:
      Thank you! 🙂

      #Ankur:
      I will get to know by August or so about my strength and capability to play sports. Right now I have a somewhat newly constructed ankle 😀

      #Slash:
      Ha ha ha, sure! But all is wishful thinking, all is wishful thinking 😛

      #Shazia:
      Thank you! I am undergoing physical therapy now, hopefully I will be able to walk normally soon!

      #Anuradha:
      Ha ha ha, I am glad you liked it! I have X-Ray images of the screws in my leg. They are not symmetrical. I don’t know how much girls would “dig” them 😛

      #Nikita:
      Heh heh heh. 😀

      #Neelima:
      Completely made up. If the homeland security list was indeed this, it is one very racist list 😛 And guess what, it also checks if the person likes broccoli.

      #Debleena:
      Ha ha ha ha, thank you thank you! 🙂 And for your second comment, I am happy you saw the broccoli thing! 😀

      #Grayquill:
      Awesome tip, sir! Especially the big stick part 😀

      #Sriram:
      It is doing well, thank you!

      #Sanjukta:
      Totally. An anklet it is. This thanksgiving, I know which section to shop in. Hey and great job with the TEDIndia thing! 🙂 It’s terrific!

      #Julia:
      Thank you, Julia! 🙂

      #Gkam:
      I had two! And yes, the vicodin and the crutches did make a lot of people refer to House 😀 I really need to watch that series.

      #PrepGirl:
      Thank you! No no, I prefer wolverine only 😛

      #MInal:
      Ooooh… Metal man eh? How adorable! 🙂 See, I am sure you came up with it yourself and you call him that out of love and everything. If I do something like that and TELL people to call me that… I will start losing my friends! Thanks for commenting! 🙂

      #Ashwathy:
      Yay! That was an AWESOME comment to read! 🙂 About the drop dead handsome part, I am two-thirds there.

      #Verby:
      See, now I will forever be conscious of going to the beach! Not including my sixpack fold abs, the ankle scar is surely something to worry about! 😛

      #Archana:
      Yes, the last one is “hates broccoli”! You can see how passionate I am about hating broccoli 😀 Thanks for the lovely comment! Thank you…! My friends are absolutely awesome – they were really helpful!

      #LongBlackVeil:
      Ha ha ha ha! Fuggedaboutit indeed! 😀

      #TheThoughtfulTrain:
      LOL cartwheeling is a fabulous idea! 😀 Woot woot! I should have taken that wheelchair!

      #Tangerine:
      Thanks Tangerine! 🙂

      #Roshmi:
      Thank you Roshmi!

      #Ramyaranee:
      Thank you Ramya! Your comment was really nice to read! Your blog has a new subscriber now 🙂

      #Rads:
      Nooooo, not Grey’s anatomy! I don’t want to be a part of that show! 😛 And yes, I did create that list – I really really hope it’s not a real list – because it’s racist as hell 😛 Thanks for your wishes!

      #BrownPhantom:
      Thanks Prashant! 🙂 Barely any weight… four screws, but light screws. So basically I cannot use them as an excuse for increase in weight. (Sigh)

      #Sonia:
      Thank you Sonia, welcome to my blog! 🙂

      #Nainy:
      Awww I wish I were vacationing! I was sitting at home here at the university and brooding over a brain that was shut down because of medication 🙁

      #Poonam:
      Thank you Poonam! 🙂 I am honored! Absolutely no expletives. Quite the opposite!

      #Manju:
      Thank you! And welcome to my blog!

      #Withinaninchoflife:
      I am visiting my space after very long too! Same pinch. 😛
      Thank you for your wishes! Thanks for the comment as well!

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