We should all hibernate

I love watching people doze. So many funny things happen when you are dozing. In classes and meetings, when you are sleepy your attention span is less than 8 seconds (think about it, it really is!). And you gradually phase out. You just had an awesome lunch with butter naan, and all your blood is mostly in the stomach. The little blood remaining is in your eyes and oh boy your eyes are bloodshot. You know why dozing people look like they are high? Because dozing people raise their eyeballs and eyebrows, but forget to raise their eyelids. So you basically get to see eye-whites, half open eyelids, and ridiculously raised eyebrows. All dozing people have severely arched eyebrows; look out for it the next time! Anyway, you decide to skillfully rest your head on your hand so that your overall posture looks “interested”. Then about 2 minutes later your head loses all balance and drops like a cabbage on the desk. You regain an awakened state and very slyly put your hand on the left side of your face (or the right side, depending on which side has more people) and pass out in seconds. You think no one has seen you, but you have a bunch of people nudging their neighbors to look at you. With your hand almost clutching your hair to prevent the head from falling, you are a laugh riot. With those raised eyebrows.

Poor you.

Since the dawn of time, man has loved to sleep. In fact we like to sleep even more when we have work to do. Now that winter is here, temperatures in my city have started going below freezing and I can’t help but think, why is it that humankind has never hibernated? It would save us from the trouble of waking up early for an 8:00 AM class at temperatures of -20 C. We should hibernate in winter. It’s so simple. And so advantageous.

Firstly, well, we get to sleep. For hours. We can go to bed in late November, and wake up in early March or something. For the late risers, they can wake up in April. In fact when they go back to work they can say, “Well, I would have come in March, but my alarm clock didn’t ring“, or “Yeah… sorry, I decided to sleep in.”

Secondly, your body ends up using all the stored fat while you are asleep and wakes up when there is no more stored fat. So basically it’s an excellent way to burn fat (who would have thought!).

Thirdly, well, we get to sleep. For hours.

Of course, according to whatever I researched on hibernation, I learned that your body figures out a way to recycle it’s wastes and your kidneys work excellent in maintaining water levels etc. I really think we should all give this a shot. There is one detail I did miss out, you need to put a plug up your butt. Yeah. You really need to. Bears use hair and grass and mud and old fecal matter. We can of course, have Apple build it – the iPlug. We could request features like internet capability and vibrating alarm. Or we could have Microsoft build it, but you would have Home edition, Professional edition and the Ultimate edition. I don’t even want to think what the Ultimate edition would have, but it would cost $399.99.

Amidst all this, I just thought about this thing. How much we would like to sleep as a function of our age. I spent most of my childhood not wanting to sleep, and now I am spending most of my non-childhood wanting to sleep. Life is unfair.

Sleep

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Filed under Musings, Thoughts in 2D

Comments

22 Responses to “We should all hibernate”
  1. Dreamcatcher says:

    hahahaa 🙂 You should start a petition for this.
    Sheer brilliance this post.

  2. Anuradha Kushwanshi says:

    Oh.. I so love winters.. and what’s better than spending them just sleeping! 🙂

  3. Ashwathy says:

    u ought to patent this stuff…. ROFL!!!!!!! brilliant 😀 😀 😀

    iPlug!!! hahahaha….omg!! where do u come with such ideas???
    Ashwathy´s latest post – My Interview at Speakbindas!!

  4. Roshmi says:

    Welcome back! And what an entertaining post!!!

    btw… you missed out… mentioning that the top three ‘Kaliyug ka Kumbhakarnas’ should be publicly garlanded and handed their trophies and medals. Plus given an open-top bus parade… akin to the one our ‘cricket heros’ received… after they won the T20 World Cup.
    Roshmi´s latest post – Profound, Prolific and Funny. (Part-I)

  5. Neelima says:

    “So you basically get to see eye-whites, half open eyelids, and ridiculously raised eyebrows. All dozing people have severely arched eyebrows.” – wow! so true and i never realized! Well observed… but whom? yourself or the others who were dozing around you.. 😀
    Neelima´s latest post – 12 images and A Dozen Vignettes : From my Past Trips

  6. maxdavinci says:

    iPlug was the cherry on teh cake!
    maxdavinci´s latest post – Goats suffer from recessionitis

  7. Debleena says:

    lets face it koke…if we all got to stay at home for the 4 months, we would just sit with a hot cup of tea, pakoras n put adda the whole day lol
    like u said it applies more when u have work. now that im home n can sleep im sitting n reading this blog :):)
    iplug….lmao !!

  8. nikita says:

    rofl @ iPlug. oh bears 😐

    btw…even 8 hr sleep is luxury abhi to….n u’re tellin me abt hibernation! i almost feel like killing u. in fact i would hav…if not for the reco 😛

  9. mentalie says:

    my god, you’re the devil. i am convinced you are not being funny at all, kokonad…:)
    mentalie´s latest post – buri nazar wale…

  10. LOL!! What a super cool idea! I am especially tempted by the lose weight while you hibernate concept!! 😀 😀 I would love to know what course you are studying – it surely lets your mind wander quite a bit, doesn’t it?? 😀
    the thoughtful train´s latest post – How far back can you remember?

  11. Auroracoda says:

    Bluetooth Butt Plug has already been done….check it out. 🙂

    http://vimeo.com/7504432

    LMAO On this post by the way!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I’m off to read your other posts 😉
    Auroracoda´s latest post – Shout Out to neoIndian’s Blog!

  12. Annu says:

    hey r u the one who created the facebook ramayan? got it as a a forwarded mail. if u r the creator, i must admit ut’s super amazing and i am inspired!
    Annu´s latest post – Zoobi Doobi – The making of the 3 Idiots song

  13. Sanjukta says:

    I could totally see myself in the post, head falls off like a cabbage. Where do you get such excellent humor? Born talent I tell you, thanks for making us laugh 🙂
    Sanjukta´s latest post – TED India: Personal coverage – Fellows Dinner

  14. tangerine says:

    YOu came back with a bang!!!
    Totally love ur post 🙂
    tangerine´s latest post – Murky waters

  15. gkam says:

    Its as if you’ve described half of my engineering classes 😛

    iPlug! Hilarious!! Patent it while u can….

    Happy Hibernation..
    gkam´s latest post – Target Forty

  16. Kokonad says:

    #Dreamcatcher:
    Thank you, and I am considering it 😛

    #Anuradha:
    You love winters eh? Wait till you experience one of the winters in my city. 😛 All day today it was winter with a wind chill of -16 deg C.

    #Ashwathy:
    As a researcher, thinking about crap comes naturally to us. 😀

    #Roshmi:
    Thank you! Oh god, I did miss out on a LOT! Just read the recent most and it’s hilarious! I have stopped going into my google reader because it has more than 1000 unread items! 🙁

    #Seema:
    Thank you! 🙂

    #Neelima:
    I just pictured myself dozing and making notes on myself. 😀

    #maxdavinci:
    You know, I am sure the bear will beg to differ. So will the customers of iPlug. 😀

    #Debleena:
    Ha ha ha ha ha! 😀 I wish, I wish!

    #Nikita:
    Awwww… I will use that reco-card for as many times as you feel like killing me!

    #Mentalie:
    You, YOU are a true believer, dear! You understand me really really well, a feat no one else has been able to achieve! 😀

    #TheThoughtfulTrain:
    Guess what, I research polymers for lithium ion batteries that you use in your cell phone. 😀 Yes, it gives me ample opportunity to think about bear butt.

    #Aurora:
    Long long long time no see Aurora! How are you liking it in India?

    #Annu:
    Yes, and thank you! 🙂 Welcome to my blog!

    #Sanjukta:
    It’s my pleasure! 🙂 Head-falls-off-like-cabbage is so universal 😀 (It sounds funnier in Bengali – Maatha ta baandha kophi moto’r pore gaelo!)

    #Tangerine:
    Thank you, thank you! How’s Chennai treating you? 🙂

    #Gkam:
    Ha ha ha ha! Where else do you think I saw the maximum heads bobbing? 😛

  17. Saya says:

    Hahaha. i did not know so many things about dozing!. Nice post
    Saya´s latest post – One little snowflake

  18. Aaro says:

    Could you please show me how to create graph just like that? Which program did you use or you just draw it yourself? Thank you. I really interest your graphs.

  19. Deepika says:

    You write really well. I want more!

  20. Kokonad says:

    #Saya:
    Thanks Saya! 🙂 I am glad you liked my post! And welcome to my blog!

    #Aaro:
    Thanks Aaro. I use powerpoint and a font that looks like handwriting.

    #Deepika:
    Sigh… bahut din ho gaye… 🙁 🙁

  21. kaddu says:

    This was hilarious… especially the first para! “You think no one has seen you, but you have a bunch of people nudging their neighbors to look at you. With your hand almost clutching your hair to prevent the head from falling, you are a laugh riot.” Reminded me of those days in training during my first stint in a BPO! The shift timings during training were 11pm to 7 am! First time in my life that I stayed up after 10 pm!
    kaddu´s latest post – Silly Saturday: Mission Complete

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