I was assembled from parts
When I was a kid, for a long long time I thought that the primary requirement for two people to be married was that they should have the same last name. That was until my mom told me that her maiden last name was Dutta, and that it changed to Sinha after she married my dad. I didn’t say anything, but I secretly liked Dutta better, simply because I found Utpal Dutta a lot better than Shatrughan Sinha. Also, Dutta was a common last name, unlike Sinha. I already kind of disliked “Kokonad” because it was so uncommon.
But this post is not about that.
I was a kid with a wild imagination. When I thought of child birth, I was under the impression that two people have to lie on bed together and poof, a child just happens. I had no idea how close to being correct I was. But then my question always had been – how did the baby know the parents were married? I had wondered so many times how I got there. My dad often mentioned that I was in my mother’s stomach when they went to Darjeeling and other beautiful places with my brother (I held that grudge against him for a long time and also for the fact that he ate for five years more than me). So that negated the theory of poof-a-child-just-happens. So instead, the explanation I gave to myself was that I was assembled from individual parts. I used to think that I was put together by a very able doctor and then put in my mother’s stomach to ‘fuse’. As long as the assembly was perfect with the bones aligned perfectly, the final product is commendable. My dad also kept saying that “I was almost born a girl”. See, this recurring statement of his was the one thing that reaffirmed my faith in creation-through-assembly. I thought that when they were planning on having me, they made a last minute decision in telling the doctor that they wanted a boy, and the doctor added the necessary attachments. And then I was put in my mother’s stomach yada-yada. I was only three but I found the idea of ‘fusing’ quite credible. Anyway, as I was writing this post, I decided I must know why he used to tell me that. I placed a call halfway around the world to ask him what did he exactly mean by that statement. Amidst pure confusion of being asked this question from nowhere, he told me that he was hoping to have a daughter, and got a son instead.
Like any other typical Indian family, my sex education at home as I grew up was absolutely fabulous. Yes, I know most of you will agree with me how our parents carefully and painstakingly avoided the topic of the anatomical wonder that is man (or woman). When we used to watch movies at home and there was an “ahem” scene, we used to leave the living room to drink a glass of water from the kitchen. If Durex or Whisper was showing an ad on TV during the break at prime time news, we looked distracted while our parents slyly changed the channel to see what else is on. Thanks to all the sanitary napkin ads, an acquaintance of mine was under the impression that women had blue blood. And here’s an embarrassing fact about me – when I learned about the menstrual cycle, I called up a female friend to confirm it. We have vowed never to speak of the incident again.
And here’s something I had been thinking about as I was writing this post.
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LOL,.. now that’s not new!! Being a 3-female family, we did not have many-a-issues with Whisper/Stayfree ads.. But well, sex-education was always a taboo.. The ever-growing inquiries about the male-part were not yet satisfied till my mid-twenties, when I acquired a partner!!
We always told my little sister that we chose her from a beautiful array of new-born babies at the hospital.. and we also threatened to return her and exchange her for a better behaved one if she would not do her homework or household work!!
ruSh.Me´s latest post – Thoughts of an Indian girl
he he… cool one. abt the whisper bit, when i was too young to know abt it i thought those are super water absorbent tissues you can use to wipe sweat. when my younger bro once asked about it when the ad was running on television and my parents just tried to change the topic… i said… hey don’t ou know, it’s a tissue paper used to wipe sweat. i have no idea if he lived in that belief until long. i hope he never told this to his male friends
Annu´s latest post – What did Santa tell Banta in December?
This is so common, we grew up the same way with some equally intersting and imaginative concepts
Many parents are proud of their children’s ignorance (they call it ‘innocence’)… we even associate decency, good character and moral values with lack of sex ed. A minister once objected to sex education in schools because he thought, sex-education meant Blue films.
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Yeah, I agree with all your points there. I laughed at that graph =)) When I asked my mother about how I was born, she was like angels came flying and landed me on her hand. I actually thought angels come flying with babies. What with all the cartoon network series drama =)
Good one.
And blue blood? Seriously? I used to play with napkins and make blue poster colours and dip them in showing the white one and the blue dipped one. Yeah, those old ad mimicry days are over.
I’m guessing you’ll never talk to me after reading this one =P
kokonad! that was hilarious
made my (dull-ish) day at work and reminded me of my slow journey to sexual literacy as well, heh. ps: i used to think children were made in cookers.
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=))
Those were some interesting and imaginative concepts! Keep them coming
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‘the doctor added the necessary attachments’ to make you a boy?? uh-huh….interesting
i, incidentally, spent a few months hanging by a rope tied to my mom’s stomach.
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Maybe you are right; prodigal children are indeed assembled from parts. Tiny bits of DNA from the best of everything in the universe.
i know one of my newphew’s friends who uses sanitary pads to wipe spilt ink on the table…. yes, the blue blood concept! that continued until his mother caught him red-handed (pardon the pun) and it stopped!
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Cracker of a post!
I too, at 6 or so, used to be intrigued about the sanitary napkins and the whole “Blue Blood” concept. To satisfy my curiosity, I even rummaged through my mom’s cupboard until I found one.
My social embarrassment was saved thankfully by my school who cleared the intricate concepts of birds and the bees.
and here is me wishing a Happy New Year!
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hee hee!!.. it was a wonderfully funny post
we all have had some random imagination as kids… i thought, kids were born when two people kissed and we had a maid servant at home, who would sneak to meet her guy, and once i even saw them kissing…
Hell fell, when i told my mom, that she would get pregnant… imagine her horrors!! (i think, this could well be another post)
anyways, first time on ur blog… a good one, and Happy New Years!
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#EVERYONE, I am glad to see all of you giving your inputs, and that was pretty much the point of this post! After getting a few more inputs in comments (if any), I will append them to the post if you don’t mind – because they are FUNNY AS HELL!
#ruSH.Me:
You have a new subscriber to yours!
Ha ha ha ha, that’s hilarious! About sorting things out when we actually get a partner, most of us are/were in the same boat as you are, aren’t we! Thanks for commenting on my blog again!
#Annu:
I told about this one to my friends at home, and oh god that had people rolling with laughter!
#IndianHomeMaker:
And yeah, that innocence gets people into SO MUCH trouble! It’s unfortunate that people think of only “mind-corruption” when it comes to sex-ed. They fail to see that the combination of a general lack of knowledge combined with a lack of control can lead to disaster. 
Sigh.
Shocking! But very believable!
#Anamika:
Ah you got the variation of the storks-bringing-babies-home explanation. And no no, I am all the more intrigued after knowing the ad-mimicry story
#Mentalie:
Cookers! LOL LOL LOL LOL!
#Roshmi:
Thanks Roshmi!
#Nikita:
He did, he did!
#Rohini:
Heh heh heh!
#Ashwathy:
Made me laugh out loud! Poor thing!
The pun was hilarious!
#Gkam:
Some sex-ed it was.
Oh you have had a good school! Mine did cover it too – in fact I think it was outsourced to Whisper. The Whisper people came and took a whole half day – half of which we boys played outside and in the other half it was the girls who got to play about. I don’t recollect having learned much, but I do remember that our motto to remember should be “I believe I can fly”
#Ode Writer:
And a hearty welcome to my blog as well!
I think A LOT OF PEOPLE think that! Even in their late teens (Yes, it is true. No, it really is!). I loved your blog, and I am subscribing to it! And you should write about the incident. Happy new year to you
“Assembled from parts” sound so very ultra-cool. Even to a sex-ed-ed adult, this takes us to a brave-new-world-ish future. It’s any day better than a stork plonking you at the doorstep story. V. awesome post.
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haha, I don’t remember what weird ideas I had. Oh dear lord, does that mean I realllliiiii old ?
See now even if I don’t use my blogger id, it gives me the same horrible horrible face. =|
Congrats! on ur post being selected for Tangy Tuesday!
gkam´s latest post – And the award goes to….
This was such a nice post. The things we are told as kids !
I remember thinking marriage + 2 years ought to be time for the first kid and asking an uncle-aunt, in public, as to why they had not been blessed yet ! I was blessed with a ear-bending but nothing more after that..
In another instance when I was 7-8, I asked my mom, in public again, as to why we do not get sanitary napkins ; I thought they were moist towlettes
Great Post !
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Great Post – funny especially the conversation with your father
While reading I thought of the Bible verse “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”
I have always liked that visual of God putting my together.
BTW – once again great graph.
Not talking about sex in the home I think is an international commonality.
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LOL!!! hilarious …. I have heard a lot of weird theories… bt urs take the cake! And the graphical illustration… sheer genius!
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