Mostly Pointless » Grad life

Admit it, you have put on weight

Kokonad — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 05:09:32 +0000

You are at your favorite clothes shop – the one place where you get clothes that speak the language you speak, the one place where you get clothes that personify your attitude, that highlight your personality, the one place where you get clothes that fit the one place where you get clothes that used to fit.

Whoa! 32″ waist pants used to fit! (For all you amazing ladies out there: Size zero used to fit!) How did this happen? When you came to the US, all was well! You were in the best of your health… and now you feel like a water balloon that is being tried to put into a wallet. You are obviously overcome by grief. You are probably undergoing the five stages of grief, also known as the Kübler-Ross model. Here’s how.

1. Denial
The pants don’t exist. The store doesn’t exist. This is all a dream during your secret nap time at work. Or… not. This pair of pants is a factory defect. May it is 30″ and it got a tag of 32″.

2. Anger
What the $#@%! I mean $#$@*$% come on! These pants suck. This store sucks! My #&@#$% life sucks!

3. Bargaining
God… please make these pants fit. I promise I am starting to go to the gym. TODAY. But please don’t make me check out 34″ pants!

4. Depression
Why me, God, why me! What will my friends in India say! All my life I have been taking pride in my no-gym-athletic-build! Why God, why?! Why now?

5. Acceptance
“Er… excuse me, do you have this in 34″ waist?”

Well, the whole thing happens in pretty much 30 seconds, but yes, your mind does go through all of this. Speaking of #3, where you are talking of going to gym, here’s what happens.

[Left click to zoom]

And finally, when you do look at your life in retrospect, since you came to the land of burgers and fries – this is the time line of your weight. This is probably what happened. If not all events, some have definitely occurred! Come on, admit it!

[Left click to zoom]

That’s something I loved about Indian food. No matter how much I eat, I never put on weight! And one more thing was that it was so freaking hot all the time, that I would just sweat it all out! Oh how I miss Indian food!

PS: Check this video out on a Giraffe stuck in a quicksand pit – undergoing the 5 stages of grief. My favorite is the depression stage!
PPS: Just a word of advice on the general idea of weight maintenance – please keep a positive body image. You don’t want this to happen.

My mother tongue is Indian

Kokonad — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 04:38:45 +0000

Many of you who have come to the US have had this problem – using Indian (s)language that means something ENTIRELY different in the US. Or pronounced words in a way that is incomprehensible by Americans. Or things that sound exotic but are something really mundane. I am listing out some that I experienced myself.

1. Passed out is not ‘graduated’
No, it is not. You pass out when you’ve drunk so much alcohol that no more blood reaches your brain. So when you say you passed out in 2006, people are thinking deeply. And wondering how flippantly you used the term, and they also wonder why Indians date their “passing out” in years. So this was the conversation that happened with my adviser (American):

Adviser: You could probably look up ____’s paper – he did some work on that.
Me: Oh ____ – that guy who passed out in 2003?
Adviser: (Long pause)
Me: Wasn’t ____ your student… he passed out of your group in 2003, right? Or was it 2004?
Adviser: He passed out? How did you know… one morning I did walk into the office and found him sleeping on the floor, I thought he was passed out… he just spent the night in the office… but how do you know about that…
Me: [Blink]…[Blink] I meant if he graduated in 2003, but now I know never to use PASS OUT instead of “graduate”…

2. Lettuce needs to be pronounced right
Or they just don’t get it. If you don’t pronounce it right, they stare at you like they’ve never heard anything even remotely close!

Me: Could you I have ‘lett-yus’ on my sandwich please?
Subway girl: Excuse me?
Me: ‘Lett-yus’, ‘lett-yus’ (I guessed she didn’t hear me)
Subway girl: (embarrassed laugh) Ha ha – I am sorry, I don’t get you…
Me now pointing at the lettuce
Subway girl: Oh you mean the ‘lett(i)s’!

Come on! How far is let-yus from lett(i)s?
3. There is no such thing as capsicum
It’s such a delectable vegetable and it goes by the name “green pepper” here. Why? Because people here find it spicy. So you have black pepper (same), red pepper (red chili), green pepper (capsicum), bell pepper (red or yellow capsicum). All of which make food spicy. They’ve got a point, so I don’t blame them. But still, it doesn’t feel quite right.
4. Eggplant is not an exotic vegetable
The first time we were hosting a party, a friend told me that he will make eggplant roast – and he told me to pick one up from the grocery store. Now I had heard a lot about eggplant, and the name sounds somewhat exotic – but I felt really disappointed when I realized it was only a BRINJAL. Sigh.
5. Use “figure out”, not “make out”
Another friend of mine also suffered an embarrassment because of the usage of this seemingly harmless phrase. Here’s my conversation:

Attempting to solve a tough assignment
Me: Damn… whatever the trick is, I just cannot make out!
American friend: Er… make out?

Me: I meant figure out…

6. Boot of the car, not dicky of the car.
This experience was more hilarious because my friend heard something totally different. When I explained that the trunk of the car is also called “dicky” in India, he said it is better to use the word “boot” or “trunk” here.

Spring broke

Kokonad — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 03:09:30 +0000

I wrote this song when I was trying to get some real work done. I am suffering from “researcher’s block”.
This song has been written on the tunes of Jingle Bells. So sing along that tune as you read this song! Need to jog your memory?

Let’s not spend any more
We’ve got to save this way
That’s all you get to hear
On TV channels today!

Wall street screwed us all
Said the bull wouldn’t sway
Now everyone is in debt
And the bear has found its way!

Spring has come, spring has come
This is not a joke!
Mend your spend right now
The economy got a stroke!

Companies at a loss
They don’t need your stay
You are given a toss
To get you out of the way

Now that you’ve got married
Being jobless could be sad
Grad school could be an option
That doesn’t sound so bad!

Spring has come, spring has come
The world is about to choke!
‘Recession sale’ is a sarcasm
Cause we all are plain broke!

They said it wasn’t difficult!

Kokonad — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 21:46:15 +0000

Aah, graduate life… It’s literally like you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel for days weeks months years. And probably when you do see it, it could be a train approaching. Where am I in my research? Oh, I haven’t found the tunnel yet.

The results slide is overrated!

What? No! This is not MY research! It says ‘YOUR RESEARCH PROPOSES’… not mine!

Of balloons and explosions

Kokonad — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:59:00 +0000

At Walmart, I am looking for something in the party aisle and there is an old-woman-Walmart-employee also rearranging stuff in the same aisle.

Me: Excuse me… Hi! I was wondering if you have any balloon pumps?
She: Bombs?

Ah, so here’s the deal. Inside the lady’s head, I am a brown Indian… sorry, brown UNSHAVEN Indian – possibly a terr0ri$t, shopping for bombs in Walmart. And on top of that I am asking a Walmart employee to help me find some.

Damn racist woman.

Photography contest

Kokonad — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:59:00 +0000

I had submitted this photo for a Penn State international Programs organized photography contest – Picture Your World.
Yay, it won the first place! The category was “The human element”

“Of good times to come“

It is of Boudi, taken during the wedding in Feb 2005.

Research Group Website

Kokonad — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:42:00 +0000

After a lot of … repeat – LOT OF effort, I finally finished designing and got my research group website up and about. In the next year or so, lots of changes are going to be there, I suppose.

4th of July Fireworks – 2008

Kokonad — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 02:13:00 +0000

I had decided way back at the start of my PhD that I am going to see 4th of July fireworks in a different city every year. While the first year was in State College, the second happened to be here too. I have been traveling like crazy over the last 7 weeks, and I REALLY needed to rest. While my friends went camping and white-water rafting for this weekend, I decided to stay back. Sigh. Not the best of my decisions.
Thanks to having owned a (digital) SLR for the past year, I have been trying my best to take shots that are more and more difficult to capture… I must confess, with all lack of modesty, that I have been lucky a few times. But yesterday, there was large black cloud so low that it was obstructing the top right quarter of all the fireworks – Bummer. Most of the climactic show was missed, because of where I was standing.
Nevertheless, State College fireworks rank among the top few in the entire nation. The WOW feeling gets somewhat “goosebumpy” with the climax setting off over 40 shells a second. Anyway, here are a few of the shots. Hope you like them!

Back then in 2007, I had no fancy camera. But I did happen to record the last 1:25 min using a friend’s camera.

Jump!

Kokonad — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:25:00 +0000

MY! FIRST! SKY! DIVE!

Free fall.
The ecstasy of free fall.

On a wonderful day of 15th June, after a lovely night of camping in Hickory Run State Park (PA)…

Our camping site, Hickory Run State Park, PA

…I jumped off a perfectly good plane from a height of 10,000 feet. And flared a parachute 6000 feet later. Like I was already not livin’ on the edge doing my doctoral studies.

Hazleton, PA. Above the Poconos skydivers. Taking along 13 other people, it was an exhilarating experience for everyone. Falling at speeds of over 120 mph (close to 200 kmph) makes your ears go deaf. Really deaf.

Words cannot describe it. You have to be there. Trust me.

It started with a basic training exercise as to what do do when we are airborne. After a slew of papers to sign and places to write our initials, the legal stuff (which basically relieves them of liabilities in case of accidents). Next thing, we are being sorted into flight numbers. Gaurav went first, and quite the ride of his life, making complete flips at 10,000 feet. Beautiful landing. He then talks of possibly undone zippers at 10,000 feet. Saumya has some real nice tips for skydiving, that involve flying kisses and flying boeings. Soon, lots of people were flying up and falling down 25 minutes later… all happy and smiling and extremely excited. Some said they were doing it again. Some said, never again. By the time it was my turn, I had no clue how it is going to be.

The plane was crammed with 7 of us, one of who was the pilot (and the owner of the place). Who needs a comfortable plane anyway? Why the other six? Two of us, me and my friend. Two tandem jumpers, guys “harnessed” onto our backs. Two photographers, who jumped with us.

After 30 seconds of deafening falling and flipping stomachs, there was a sudden jerk and absolute silence. The parachute opened. The contrast in sound was astounding. Five minutes of peaceful sailing in the serene quietness watching over the Poconos mountains.

A day before my jump-off, I informed my sister-in-law. (And thereby my brother). After the jump, I told my parents. Guess what my dad’s fist question was…
“Was it cold up there?”
“That’s the last of my worries up there, Dad!”

The Free Fall. Soundtrack: Bruce Springsteen – Long Walk Home

Was I terrified? Yes. When you are at 10,000 feet, and the door of the plane opens the same deafening sound with a spectacular view of the earth below. That’s terrifying. My smile vanished for a second. Then it was back.
Free fall.
The ecstasy of free fall.

Seminar Appeal

Kokonad — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 21:27:00 +0000

As a grad student myself, who attends several seminars I relate to this greatly.

Additional factors:
Do they shut off the auditorium lights?
Are the seats comfy?
Is my adviser going too?